What women are looking for

Men must realize that a woman’s primary need is emotional.

The best way to satisfy a woman’s emotional needs is to listen to her and respond to her with compassion. By listening to her intently, with your undivided attention, and taking a genuine interest in what she has to say, she will feel loved, cherished and important. Realize that when she approaches you with her problems, she doesn’t necessarily want solutions, she just wants sympathy and understanding.

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How men react when women need to talk.
When women talk about problems, men usually resist. A man assumes she is talking with him about her problems because she is holding him responsible. The more problems, the more he feels blamed.
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He does not realize that she is talking to feel better. A man doesn't know that she will appreciate it if he just listens.

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If he offers solutions to her problems, she just continues talking about more problems. After offering two or three solutions, he expects her to feel better. This is because Martians themselves feel better with solutions.

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When she doesn't feel better, he feels his solutions have been rejected, he feels unappreciated and useless.

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He doesn't realize that explanations are not what she needs. She needs him to understand her feeling and let her move on to talk about more problems.

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How to listen with empathy?

1. Remember that feelings don't always make sense right away, but they're still valid and need empathy.

This is because, men always trying to find the logic behind everything. It's hard for a men to think that, women can be happy 5 minutes ago, and cries 5 minutes later. What to do: Breathe deeply and don't say anything. She just need to be heard. Show that you are listening by saying, "ooo.. ", "uhuh", "i see", so that she won't think that you are ignoring her.

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2. Remember that, if she doesn't immediately feels better, your understanding and listening are helping. Don't feel blamed for not making her feels better from your solutions. How can she feel better when solutions are not what she needs?

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3. Remember you don't fully have to understand her point of view to succeed in being a good listener. Let her know you don't understand but want to. Take responsibility for not understanding, don't judge her or imply she can't be understood.

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4. Remember that you are not responsible for how she feels. She may sound as though she is blaming you, but she is really needing to be understood.

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5. Remember that if she makes you really angry, she is probably mistrusting you. Deep inside her is a scared little girl who is afraid of opening up and being hurt. She at this moment, needs your kindness and compassion.

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When a man can listen to a woman's feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives her a wonderful gift (note that, women give highest credit for this, rather than a car, jewellery or physical things).

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He makes it safe for her to express herself. The more she is able to express herself, the more she feels heard and understood, and the more she can give a man the loving trust, approval, admiration, acceptance and encouragement that he needs.

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